"You can never leave the program."Joe and Tom meet in a dream. Joe is clearly racist, as his dream version of Tom is dressed like a maitre'd in a Chinese restaurant. Tom reminds Joe that he is dead, but that Joe has been saved.
The wind blows as does this scene.Suddenly, Joe is in an examining room, naked and shaved down, which means things are looking up for us, if not for him. A disembodied woman's voice (pun totally intended!) informs him that things have gotten off track.
Janet trashes Joe's room, in a desperate belief that he wasn't abducted, he's just playing a really good game of Hide and Seek. "Where did they take you?" she whispers, not realizing that that's not how you play Hide and Seek. She was probably no fun as a kid.
Back in the White Room, Joe is told that he can never leave The Program. We see Joe in flashback, waiting for the abductees to be wheeled into their rooms. Something about the number 7, which we're sure is a clue because this scene had a lot of flashing lights and blurry cuts and that spells clue. Joe watches Janet being wheeled into her room and tells Tom "This is the room where I was born." Clue! Something about his greatest obstacle being his mind. Clue!
Mark and Kat are staggering around South America just like they staggered around Italy and before that, San Francisco. Apparently, these two crack journalists get all their scoops by just running around and stumbling into things. They find the mysterious doctor Tori's father told them to look for. Unfortunately for them, she's shit-smearingly crazy. She asks them for a churro and tells them where to get it. They learned all about this in journalism school, so they run off to get her a churro. "That bitch is crazy," warns Kat.
Back at the hotel, Charlie tells Douchey Bill he's useless. This is news to Bill and he gets depressed and starts drinking and smoking. Meanwhile, Janet finds that really unflattering elf picture that Joe drew of her and crumples it up, offended that he would draw her with such a huge nose.
Back in the White Room, mysterious female voice tells Joe that the world needs him. He screams Janet's name about as often as Janet screams Megan's. Which is to say, a lot, to the annoyance of anyone within earshot. Suddenly, Tori shows up! Dressed like a nurse! Then we get a flashback and Joe is dressed like a priest! Everyone plays dressup this week. Except Joe is special because he gets to wear a really awful wig as well. We find out (sort of) that Joe's been through this, let's call it "whitewashing" process before. We also find out that he apparently did what Janet couldn't and pulled the trigger on a fellow abductee, which allowed him to graduate into the program. Hmm.Back in South America, Mark and Kat stumble around like a couple of drunks until they stumble upon a picture of curly-haired Joe in his shitty wig. Turns out he was the pastor of the church they stumbled into. They stumble into someone else and he gives them more clues, including a picture of Joe being kidnapped by the blue coverall guys. Those guys suck. So far, they've been photographed EVERY SINGLE TIME they abduct someone. How has this program been kept a secret for 50 years when these guys can't seem to take a piss without someone snapping a picture of them?
Back at the hotel, Douchey Bill completely forgets that Erika beat him more than once and asks her if she'd like to have a drink with him. She scowls and make threats, which is pretty much all she does. "If you died," she asks him, "Would anybody here give a rat's ass?" he ponders that, as if he doesn't already know the answer. No, there will be no rat's-ass-giving upon the event of Bill's death. Bill goes up to his room and tells the cameras he's a donut hole. Well, he's half right.
Over in Moira's room, she's briskly cleaning her crazy wall, even though she appears to be crazier than ever. Graham takes a long time, but eventually his lips find hers because he's totally turned on by crazy woman acting all crazy. She pushes him away. "If you only knew," she says mysteriously. What? How hard it is to clean magic marker off a hotel wall? How bad a kisser he is? What? We can't take anymore secrets, Moira!
Back in the white room, imaginary (or NOT?) nurse Tori tells Joe there's no leaving the program. Either he gets back in line or he dies. He dies.
Okay, probably not. But suddenly the room is filled with white people defibrillating him like it's the only thing they know how to do from years of watching medical dramas on TV.
Back in town, Bill gets the chance to leave when he notices that the pain fence is down, but opts to stay because he has nowhere to go. "Where am I going?" He asks himself. "Nowhere." Then he adds "I'm going nowhere" in case he didn't hear himself say it the first time. He runs back to his room and excitedly points out to the camera "I didn't go! Love me, camera daddy! I just want your love!"
In South America, Kat and Mark go back to visit the crazy shit-smearing doctor only to find out she turned into a chicken. Mark's all "Fuck this," and Kat's all "Hey now. Who's a big tough soldier?" They kiss, which means Kat's a dead woman.
Joe and Tom hug because they're both dead now. Joe probably isn't dead yet but doesn't want to tell Tom that for fear of being called a racist.
That's really what happened! Don't believe us? Full episode:
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