"We're trying to do good."Look, this show doesn't really lend itself to analysis (and besides, we fried a few circuits getting that Mad Men post out the door), so we're just gonna have a little fun with it.
Okay, so the last time we saw our abductees, they'd just found out that Joe is a big old liar-liar-pants-on-fire. No
w, Janet's visiting Joe in his room and understandably, she wants some answers. She mentions Megan. Did you know she had a daughter named Megan? Joe spray paints over the hidden cameras in his room to Tom's consternation. Janet is not impressed. She bitches Joe out because he works for the people responsible for her kidnapping and she's strangely focused on the idea that they might have seen her naked. Damn. Narcissist much? Also, Megan.Joe tells her that "We're trying to do good." "That is not an answer," snaps Janet. According to Joe, he was kidnapped just like the rest of them and this has all been going on for over 50 years. He tells them about the think tank that runs the program and how they "make bets" on certain people who may have great influence on the world. Bill the douchey guy demonstrates his potential influence by beating the piss out of Joe.
Joe pays a visit to Tom, who totally wants to break up with him. Tom scoffs at Joe's interest in Janet and tells her that she's going to dump him once she goes to college. Joe whines that everyone totally hates him. Every microcosm becomes high school sooner or
later.The cool kids all sit around the lobby trying to decide what to do with Joe. "I'm not in love with him!" Screams Janet. "Megan!"
Charlie manages to secure a booth at the Chinese restaurant and takes a meeting with Joe. He offers to pay him a kazillion dollars if her can get him out of there. "You take care of me and I'll take care of you," he adds, in case Joe didn't get the whole point of offering him a kazillion dollars and saying "I want out."
Kat and Mark. Do not care. Kat's never felt more alive. DO. NOT. CARE. Tori's fiance who looks like a Ralph Lauren model assumes she might still be alive when he sees Mark's cameraphone picture. The police are after them so they split up. Fiance and his model posse are arrested.
Back in Nowhere Town, Bill and Erika are throwing Joe against the pain fence. Janet tries to intervene and they yell at her and push her a lot.
Joe sets the fence on extra crispy to prove...how much he loves them all? They are convinced and decide to give him another chance, and "keep him on a short leash." What?Joe and Janet have a serious talk in his bathroom. They touch each other and speak quietly with their faces really close together. Janet abruptly storms out. It's like watching an Amish soap opera with these two.
Mark and Kat are followed by mysterious men. Again. Then a man in a wheelchair pulls a gun on them? Then he's all "Come with me?" They're like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book, these two.
Erika and Janet break into Joe's room. Janet finds a drawing of her that looks like it belongs in an illustrated copy of The Lord of the Rings. They also find dossiers on all the abductees. Megan. Megan, Megan, Megan.
Mark and Kat picked page 128, so they meet with the ambassador, who tells them he's been part of the organization that's behind all of this for 31 years. He was an apartment manager in Bloomington and they turned him into the U.S. Ambassador to Italy. He says they're powerful enough to "exert quiet control." He believed in them until they killed Tori and he asks Kat and Mark if they're willing to take them on. They've never felt more alive, so they say yes. He tells them to turn to page 139 and find some doctor in South America, which is
kind of vague as a location.Bill, Janet and Graham march Joe out to the jail and lock him in there. Janet's all "Talk to the hand, asshole. Megan." Then it's hand-out-the-dossiers time but first, Erika has to blackmail everyone because they wisely left her alone with all their secrets. Bill blackmails parolees and Graham killed some people for money. Moira is upset. Graham says, "Hold on now." Then she's not upset with him anymore.
Charlie visits Joe in jail with a 27 year old bottle of Cherry Coke. How did Charlie know the key to the lock was in the drawer? Anyway, he does and he lets Joe out. Tom outs himself in front of Charlie and pulls a gun on Joe. "The program saved my life, Joe." Joe tells him that "Janet's the best thing that ever happened to me." Charlie overhears Joe say that the files were planted. Tom doesn't deny it. Charlie gets heroic and Tom shoots him in the leg. Joe tells him to keep breathing, which is good advice. Janet dumps hot oil on Tom and he goes up like a roman candle. We're telling you. That Janet is hardcore.
Mark and Kat landed on page 156 and that means they're being shepherded away by the police in the airport.
Model fiance shows up from page 141 and tells them which page to pick to get on the plane out of Italy. Model fiance's on the plane too, but they don't seem to know that.Janet has a moment with Joe. She says "Megan" a lot. She should hate Joe but she doesn't, "that's the hardest thing of all." Then why does she talk about Megan all the time? Joe tells her he can get her out of there and to think about her answer. Like she hasn't made it clear that she wants to leave? Joe magically turns into water.
If you missed the episode and you don't believe us, see for yourself:
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