"Why are you saying 'Ohmigod?' You're freaking me out."So here's what Taylor happened on last Taylor night's episode of The Taylor Rachel Taylor Zoe Project:
Taylor Taylor Ta
ylor, Taylor Taylor Golden Globes Taylor. Taylor, Taylor Taylor Taylor Molly Simms Taylor; Taylor Taylor Taylor! Taylor Taylor -- Taylor Taylor -- Taylor Taylor Taylor? Taylor Taylor (Taylor Taylor Taylor) Versace dress Taylor. Taylor Taylor Roger Taylor Taylor baby. Taylor! Taylor Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, and Taylor. Cameron Diaz, Taylor Taylor Taylor? Taylor, Jennifer Garner Taylor Taylor; Taylor Taylor. Taylor Taylor rain Taylor Taylor. Taylor, Taylor Taylor Taylor baby Taylor Taylor baby baby.And finally, Taylor Taylor Taylor Taylor Taylor Taylor Taylor Taylor Taylor Taylor Taylor.
Oh, Fine. Here's the long version.
Both Brad and Rachel remind us in the first 5 minutes of the show that they need to "cleanse ourselves of Taylor's energy." We imagine that throughout the workday they yell out to each other things like, "I'm shitting out Taylor's energy RIGHT NOW," and "I just sneezed some of Taylor's bad energy out!" Brad wonders about new girl Ashley. "I wonder if she'll be a
mega-bitch like Taylor." On her first day on the job, Brad shows her to her desk ("Taylor used to sit there.") And warns of the dangers of a feral, unchained Taylor on the loose in Los Angeles, styling celebrities. "Watch out for Taylor!" Ashley notes to the camera, "So...uhh... they talk about Taylor a lot around here." But she's wrong! EVERYONE in L.A. is talking about Taylor! We know this because apropos of absolutely nothing and about as convincing as a drunken mall Santa, Brad's Pilates instructor asks, "So, what happened with Taylor?"Later, Rachel arrives and informs everyone that this is "my first awards season without Taylor." First awards season is always the hardest, Rache. We've all been there. After mentioning this at least 6 dozen more times in the next 40 minutes, including the horrifying revelation that Taylor had the nerve to continue to work in her chosen field even though Rachel Zoe herself works in that field and THAT IS VERY UNFAIR, YOU GUYS, Rachel lets the camera crew filming her hit reality televisions series know that she's, "so sick of hearing anything about Taylor," especially since "I can't say anything because I'm too busy taking the high road." One wonders how many takes they needed just to get that one close to resembling believable.
Other fun stuff that had nothing to do with Taylor even though they still managed to mention her in every scene:
Molly Sims, who, according to Brad, has appeared on "numerous amazing television shows," shows up for her fitting and she seems like a lot of fun. We're loving this new focus on the celebrities being involved in the process. Demi Moore came out looking pretty good last week and Molly did this week. Hopefully they won't be so scared of the cameras from here on out. We loved the two dresses she chose. She knows what works for her.
Versace dress drama! We were on the edge of our seats! This damn dress was traveling up and down the west coast, running from the law and causing mayhem wherever it went! And thankfully, we got a reprieve from hearing Taylor's name every thirty seconds as they switched it out for poor Lucio's name. "Call Lucio!" "Did you yell at Lucio?" "This is, like, a crime! Did you tell Lucio that?" "LUCIO!!!" Thankfully, Lucio tracked the dress down to Pierce Brosnan's house and after a tense standoff which resulted in 6 wounded SWAT members, Lucio delivered the dress to Rachel and lay it at her feet like a dead animal. She decided the dress wasn't all that. Lucio smiled, zipped up his garment bag, left, stopped on the way home for some vodka, and spent the rest of the night on his couch in his underwear, doing everything he could to cleanse himself of Rachel's energy.
Also, Brad doesn't want Ashley to go through what he went through with TaylorTaylorTaylor, so he gives her a little pep talk about how he values her input because she
has a vagina and wears women's clothes and that's great because he doesn't wear women's clothes. Later, he parades around the office in a sequined Lanvin gown and mentions that he has to keep his legs in shape because short-shorts season is coming up.And finally, Roger suddenly remembers he's heterosexual, spends a lot of time with his bros holding babies and now he's all "RACHEL NEEDS TO PUT DOWN HER BLACKBERRY AND HAVE A BABY. RIGHT NOW."
But for all the TaylorTaylorTaylor and babybabybaby talk, we still watch mainly to look at the clothes and accessories. Watching them go through racks of gorgeous dresses and stacks of the world's most expensive jewels (not worn by royalty or oil sheik's wives), squealing and oohing and aahing and playing Barbie dressup with living Barbie dolls, that's pure
entertainment, as far as we're concerned. Even with all the manufactured drama, at the end of the day the staff at Rachel Zoe are all very good at their jobs. That alone makes up for all the TaylorTaylorTaylor bullshit.You can check out Golden Globes red carpet pics of Cameron Diaz's McQueen and Kate Hudson's Marchesa dress (along with the (surprisingly) not-so-bitchy comments we made at the time) here.
[Photo credit: BravoTV.com]
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Labels: The Rachel Zoe Project, The Rachel Zoe Project Season 3
